Lenexa, May 17, 1:21 P.M.

I’ve had an amazing visit with Claire. I will write about it when my head is a bit clearer.

I just had a big argument with Russell about the definition of a “long life.” It started over a discussion about a large chef who was cooking an unhealthy dinner for herself and her friends. I commented that she is cutting her life short by not being proactive and Russell kind of jumped on my comment, arguing that my definition of “short” is skewed. He thinks that 50 years, as long as it’s filled with love and doing what you want to do, is a very long life. I argued back that it is not long at all. It may be full, but long, comparatively to the rest of the human race today, is at least 70, maybe 80 or 90. It’s hard for me, getting into fights with Russ about stuff like this, because I know his sensitivity to life’s “length” or “fullness” is a direct result of his losing his best friend Devin when he was only 21. It makes me sad to have struck a nerve with Russell—all I meant to do was comment about the value in being proactive, in extending your life to be with your family for a longer amount of time by actively pursuing health. I certainly didn't mean to start a deep discussion about what makes a life "long." Unfortunately, to him, I ended up sounding ignorant and petty. I still hold by what I said. I think people need to be proactive about health so that they can extend their lives to live to the fullest for as long as they can. I did not, however, mean that a short life cannot be full or worthwhile. Or that a long and unhappy life is anywhere close to as valuable as a short, full one.

It’s still tough being around Russell. It makes me sad to know what he has gone through and see how it has and still is affecting him, especially because I knew him so well prior to Devin’s death. He is different now. Not worse; just different. I do hope that he is able to make a very full life for himself. I wish so much happiness for him. And I hope that he and Maddie keep making each other’s lives better. I’m glad he has found someone to make him smile.