Kansas City, May 18, 12:07 P.M.

My trip is coming to a close. It is time that it did, as I have many things to do back in Tuscaloosa, but I am so glad that I’ve had the time away that I have! My visit with Claire was fantastic.

From the airport on Saturday night, we went straight to her apartment, which is right off of the KU campus. I got in terribly late because of the flight difficulties in Memphis (6 hours of iPod bonding), so we couldn’t really do anything “fun,” but we had a good time catching up just the same. After some chatter and some amazing Pizza Shuttle pepperoni with extra cheese, we popped Clueless into the DVD player and I conked out wayyy before it was over. We woke up late on Sunday and ate leftover pizza for breakfast, packed up, and left to explore! Claire drove me through campus and showed me the buildings she spends most of her time in. KU’s campus is gorgeous; the buildings are made of beautiful, huge stone and are architecturally stunning. I’m really glad I got tour while we were there. J

After we left KU, we drove to Lenexa, where the Shelleys live, and went to the Nelson, a huge museum with an amazing modern art wing. Unfortunately, we didn’t have enough time for the whole museum, but we did get to peruse the modern art section for a good while. They have an awesome collection. I loved it. And I loved getting to go with Claire! I feel so uneducated when I talk about the art with a learned student like herself. I tend to murmur things about perspective, shading, and stroke patterns, most of which are likely way off base. But it was still fun.

After the Nelson, we drove to the Shelley’s house and ate dinner with Mr. and Mrs. Shelley. It was good to catch up with them, and the lasagna was delicious. We left from there to see “Date Night,” the absolutely hilarious movie starring Steve Carrel and Tina Fey that made me laugh so hard I cried multiple times. When we got back to the house, I got to catch up with Russell for a while, which was great. Kinda weird. But great.

The next day was an airport attempt, which failed, followed by an awesome night of pasta and my first hookah experience in Lawrence near Claire’s college apartment. Hookah is fun and weird. I won't be making a habit of it or anything, but that will probably not be the last time I do it. Never let it be said that not getting a seat on a flight home is the worst thing that could happen. Claire and I really enjoyed our extra night together. She practiced tattooing with henna on my foot, creating a design I’ve considered putting there for some time. I’m following Mom’s advice, going the fake route for an extended amount of time to figure out how tired of it I’m going to get. J When we were both exhausted, we drove home to Lenexa and slept at the Shelley’s house before coming to the airport this morning.

Our days were obviously very full of adventures, but we had great conversations along the way. Claire is an amazing person, so full of creativity and independence. She is strong and funny and ready to put her passion into practice in the world. She’s going to be an incredible tattoo artist, and she’s going to have a wonderful opportunity through her field to reach the lost and tell them how much Christ loves them.

We’re thinking about living together in Atlanta (Buckhead or Decatur) once I’ve graduated and been hired by Delta and she has an apprenticeship set up with a tattoo parlor in the city. I’m pretty darn excited about it. J

I’m sad to be ending my journey today, but I’ve certainly imposed on Claire and her family for long enough. It is time to return to sweet home Alabama. I will be happy to be settled back into my apartment and my own bed. I’ve had enough airports, at least for the next 5 days or so.

I am content. I feel like I’ve put a lot of distance between myself and the frustrations I left in Tuscaloosa on Friday. I’m really excited about this summer and all of the opportunity it holds for me. Life is so, so good. Even when it’s hard.

I would like to make a side note. My family was amazing and so helpful this weekend whenever I called for advice or help listing for one flight or another. And they never gave me a hard time about how ridiculous it was to take on a trip of this magnitude. I love them with my whole self.

Lenexa, May 17, 1:21 P.M.

I’ve had an amazing visit with Claire. I will write about it when my head is a bit clearer.

I just had a big argument with Russell about the definition of a “long life.” It started over a discussion about a large chef who was cooking an unhealthy dinner for herself and her friends. I commented that she is cutting her life short by not being proactive and Russell kind of jumped on my comment, arguing that my definition of “short” is skewed. He thinks that 50 years, as long as it’s filled with love and doing what you want to do, is a very long life. I argued back that it is not long at all. It may be full, but long, comparatively to the rest of the human race today, is at least 70, maybe 80 or 90. It’s hard for me, getting into fights with Russ about stuff like this, because I know his sensitivity to life’s “length” or “fullness” is a direct result of his losing his best friend Devin when he was only 21. It makes me sad to have struck a nerve with Russell—all I meant to do was comment about the value in being proactive, in extending your life to be with your family for a longer amount of time by actively pursuing health. I certainly didn't mean to start a deep discussion about what makes a life "long." Unfortunately, to him, I ended up sounding ignorant and petty. I still hold by what I said. I think people need to be proactive about health so that they can extend their lives to live to the fullest for as long as they can. I did not, however, mean that a short life cannot be full or worthwhile. Or that a long and unhappy life is anywhere close to as valuable as a short, full one.

It’s still tough being around Russell. It makes me sad to know what he has gone through and see how it has and still is affecting him, especially because I knew him so well prior to Devin’s death. He is different now. Not worse; just different. I do hope that he is able to make a very full life for himself. I wish so much happiness for him. And I hope that he and Maddie keep making each other’s lives better. I’m glad he has found someone to make him smile.

Memphis, May 15, 1:02 P.M.

I have had an amazing time with Hannah! Her boyfriend, Andy, and she picked me up from O’Hare and we drove out to their place in the Rogers Park section of Chicago. It’s not in the middle of downtown or near the lake or anything…it’s in a quieter little section of the city. I like her apartment. It’s very…Hannah. J Which means there are dance pictures on every wall and the shelves are filled with excellent movies. We got to catch up for a while and then met up with Ethan and Vicky at Pickwick’s, an adorable diner-type place. It was so random (and a little weird!) to have my Landmark world and my Alabama world collide in a place like Chicago, but it was so fun! After dinner, Hannah, Andy, and I went around town taking pictures by fountains and the Leaning Tower of Pisa. Yeah, if you didn’t know already, they moved it to Chicago. J It was a very silly, very awesome night.

It was so good to get to catch up with Hannah. She never ceases to amaze me. Her life is not easy; it never has been. It seems like she encounters one obstacle after another in nearly every facet of her life, especially her health. She has had to stop dancing, which is her true passion, to try to recover from a myriad of health issues which don’t seem to be getting all that much better. But as she constantly tackles these very frustrating hurdles, she really has kept an excellent attitude. She seems optimistic and happy. She is so open-minded about where her life might go…she has no demands of it, but rather is simply looking to see what will come. And with whatever life hands her at one moment or another, she runs—she works really hard to make the money she needs and is just…doing life. It’s amazing to see one of the kids I’ve known since 6^th grade actually “doing” life. Maybe that’s because I’m stuck in college world and the real world and the people in it seem foreign to me. But it makes me proud to see how strong she is and who she is becoming.

I have GOT to get back up to Chicago to see her more often. We had so, so much fun talking and laughing and being the complete dorks we will never not be.

I’m waiting now for my flight to Kansas City to see Claire! We’re going to explore KC…museums and parks and such. J I’m excited.

Chicago, May 14, 4:55 P.M.

I’ve reached my final destination for the night! Except for the driving to Hanno’s house part. I am so excited to get to spend time with Hannah. She and I have always been the friends that have the same relationship when we’re together despite how much time goes by between visits. I LOVE it. J Hanno and Kato reunite!

I brought the most incredible pillow with me on this trip. I didn’t even know how amazing it was until this last flight. Best. Coach-class. Airplane. Nap. EVER. I seriously slept the entire flight. I don’t think I will be willing to travel without it ever again.

I’m waiting for Hannah to get here right now (she was at a show in Milwaukee this afternoon), so I’m sitting in the airport. I have absolutely no problem with this, which is something one of my friends doesn’t seem to comprehend. He keeps texting me about how much waiting for someone at the airport sucks, and I’m just thinkin’…Don’t bring me down, man! I’m loving everything about this vacation. The flying, the meeting random people, the scouring of O’Hare to find the one outlet where I can plug in my computer underneath an escalator…it’s all fun for me. Of course, seeing Hannah’s very missed face and laughing with her for the next 7 or 8 hours before we pass out is going to take the cake, but there is something to like about each part of this journey. My one rule for this weekend (during which oh so much could go wrong) is: no negativity. Whatever happens, happens. I will make the most of it. There’s so much to be made of it!!

Ah, iPod. How you are always so appropriate. Shuffle just turned to Mat Kearney’s “Chicago.” Amazing. J

Stepping through the haze one more day
On wide open road
On and on, the lights come and go
And everything I might not even know
What is the distance? On through the resistance…

When I left Tuscaloosa this morning, I was frustrated. I was fed up with some things in my life that have lately been making me very inwardly-focused and not nearly optimistic enough. I was lonely. I am still these things. But it’s getting better with every step I take on this trip. This a vacation for cleansing, for renewal. For time with me and God and some of the amazing people He has given me in my life. It’s time to turn the focus outward, to grab hold of life before it passes me by mid-wallow. There is no time for wallowing! Life is happening now. This is a kick-start to a better summer mentality for me. I won’t spend any more time ignoring the goodness around me.

Memphis, May 14, 1:06 P.M.

I feel so grown up. And like such a kid at the same time.

There is something very freeing and validating about flying alone. Which accounts for my feeling grown up. And the kid part? I’ve decided on my own to take an adventure that is probably a little dumb because it’s cramming in a ton in a small amount of time and miraculous availability of flights is the only way I can pull it off. But I’ve taken it anyway, and I could not be happier.

Today’s journey started with a bump in Birmingham when I had to switch to a Memphis flight instead of an Atlanta flight ten minutes before push back. It was a scramble, but the gate agents were very kind and worked me in and I got a seat! And it turns out that the necessary change in destination was quite a blessing, not only because I have a much more open flight to Chicago from here, but because I had the pleasure of chatting with a blind Army veteran for the past hour.

He did not share his war stories or the details of his apparently painful existence. He did, however, advise me on life in general. He stressed to me the value in listening to the older and wiser people around me. We discussed the importance of studying history and the horrible mistake of ignorance. And we talked about the necessity of seeing the large picture in Christianity rather than getting lost in the details of denominational theology. He then asked about my family and listened intently while I described the types of familial relationships that he later reflected he had always wanted. He told me that my parents had done an incredible job with me. He told me that he was proud of me. I shook his hand, and we went our separate ways.

I don’t have a deep revelation to share about our interaction. I simply enjoyed our banter, our mutual respect for the study of life. We had the same appreciation for the past—for learning from others’ mistakes so that we didn’t have to make them ourselves. And he was impressed with the person I’ve become in my first 21 years. That made me smile. I was happy to be a light in his sadly (and literally) darker life for an hour on a random Friday.

This trip is going to be amazing. I can feel it.

I have been introduced to an entirely new category of discrimination that I, as an ignorant straight woman, have never considered possible.

One of my dearest friends is a very confident and openly gay man, but aside from his perfectly blown-dry hair, you wouldn't know it by looking at him. He is broad-shouldered and carries himself in a very masculine way. He wears Ralph Lauren solid-colored polos and khaki shorts of normal, modest length. He wears work boots and baseball hats. He looks just like an average guy.
As a result of this conservative style, he has suffered at the merciless hands of the more flamboyant gay community on campus. They tease him about his boots and look down on him for his modesty. They verbally attack him for his demeanor and ostracize him from their clique, saying that he is an embarassment to "their community."
I'm sorry, but...an EMBARASSMENT? Really? This boy, who goes out of his way to make everyone he knows absolutely comfortable, is an embarassment because he is confident enough to not have to hide behind the stereotype for which he has been judged his entire life. The group of people who have criticized him are the ones buying into said stereotype. They push their sexual orientation on people, making sure that there is no doubt that they are, 100%, gay and PROUD OF IT!

Hey, more power to you if you're gay. Honestly. I will absolutely not love you any less. Be proud of who you are, and be proud of the confidence you have in your identity. But if you're really that confident in that identity, then you should not feel the need to press it into everyone you come in contact with. Don't hide behind the make-up, the tight jeans, the crazy hats and bright hair. I mean, if you really are simply that colorful, then go for it! I love a good personal style. But don't you dare, then, judge someone else for having the confidence to be exactly who they are as well.
Shame on you! You have, without a doubt, grown up with judgement and discrimination haunting you every day. You know what it's like to be jeered at, to be publicly embarassed, to be mistreated because you are "different." How can you, then, knowing what that is like, turn around and judge someone from your own community for not fitting into the "right" mold? You hypocrites! You were judged for not fitting in, and you turn around and judge others for their not fitting in with you! How can you hate those who judge you for the very same reasons you judge someone else? How can you protest so strongly against the discrimination against you when you discriminate against each other?
You have to realize that you are weaking your own arguments for universal acceptance. You're shooting yourselves in the foot. If the rest of the world is to look upon you with nonjudging eyes, perhaps the revolution should begin within.

Take a look in the mirror. Wipe away the make-up and look inside. Become confident in the soul that lies beneath the exterior that the outside world has labeled as "homosexual." And learn to love others for the same reason you want to be loved: who they are beneath the surface.

My friend recently wrote this response to those who judge him:

"Excuse me for not wearing make-up.
Excuse me for not wearing the most fashion-forward hairstyles.
Excuse me for not strutting around campus in the gayest boots imaginable.
Excuse me for not making a drunk fool of myself in public.
Excuse me for not walking around with a shit-eating grin on my face thinking I'm the deal.
Excuse me for being me."

I think we could all use a little dose of humility. A little dose of respect. A little dose of love.

I love you, Jacob. You are gorgeous, inside and out. Your confidence inspires me.

I am lucky to know you.

Andrò in Italia nella primavera 2011!

I wrote a long email to my parents yesterday explaining all of the reasons why I am changing the dates of my trip to Italy to be in the spring semester of my senior year instead of the fall, and I wanted to share them with anyone else who was wondering. So...here goes. :)

I will start with my reasons to not go in the fall.

My primary reason for not going this fall is because of Ashley and Matt's wedding. I am essentially her maid of honor (the maid of honor is her little sister), and I've been asked to speak and help arrange showers/parties/everything else maids of honor do. I wouldn't be able to fulfill any of these tasks while being in Italy, and thinking about missing all of these pre-wedding things for two of my best friends truly breaks my heart. So I have decided it is not worth missing. If I did go to Italy this fall, I would miss all of those things and only be able to show up for the wedding ceremony (which is the weekend before exams in Italy...barf...). It's simply to costly for me, in terms of life experience.

Secondly, Mallory's final semester at UA is this fall. Our friendship has gotten way stronger this year, and I can't imagine missing out on our time together during her last semester. Also, Cat will have more free time so all of us girls could finally be together again and just be college kids together. It's quite a priceless thing, to me.

Thirdly, Alabama is playing Auburn, Penn State, and Florida at home this year. My senior year. My last football season of $5 tickets and being with my friends in the stands. Like...WHOA. It hurts my tummy to think about missing that.

Fourthly, if I get an awesome job this summer that I love, I can continue to work at that location throughout the fall and earn a lot more money towards my trip to Italy. It would help me not have such a hole in my pocket from the student loan.

Fifthly, I could apply for scholarship through API. I have not planned in enough advance to do so for the fall, but if I got a scholarship (because I would apply extra early for the spring), that would be even less of a hole in my pocket.

Sixthly, Dinan is coming home and will be here in the fall. If I leave in the fall, I will essentially be spending a year without Dinan. That is a terrible tragedy.

Seventhly, I have begun working on a new type of singing in my voice class right now that I have never known myself to be capable of. My teacher gets wide eyes and a proud smile every time we have a lesson, and I feel that I am at the height of my progress thus far. I am nervous to put a hiatus on my voice lessons at this point, when I've only just begun to really find my inner belter. He has voiced his own concerns with a break in our training, which has made me second-guess my timing. I want another semester of continuous work so that I can be confident in the training I will graduate with.

Now, I will talk about my reasons to go in the spring.

First of all, spring is notoriously AWESOME in Italy. The weather is supposed to be phenomenal, which would be ideal for my weekend travels. :)

Secondly, I would have all of spring break to journey through Europe (as opposed to the fall, during which I would have no extended break during which I could country-hop). Janie (and Lindsey) could join me for the week and experience some European awesomeness with me without having to rush during the short fall break to get to Italy and back, dealing with the crazy jet lag in just 3 days.

Thirdly, instead of having my Christmas break cut short, it would be elongated while my summer "break" (aka time to find a job and be an adult) would only be a couple of weeks shorter. This allows for a lot more breathing room and relaxation.

Fourthly, it does not conflict with any major Alabama-ness (football) or other important events.

Fifthly, I could be finished with all of my stressful undergrad credits before I left and just enjoy a last collegiate semester of dance and Italian.

Sixthly, I would be fresh "off the boat" from Italy for my interviews with Delta and my Italian efficiency tests. I can't imagine a better way to prepare for those than spending 4 months in the country whose language I hope to be using in my career. :)

So there you go. I will be in Tuscaloosa, Alabama for this fall--my last semester at UA! And then I will spend the spring in Florence, Italy, and get to see this every day:

It is going to be a fantastic year. :)